I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
