Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Couch. On fire.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize