from now on my penis is your penis
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just pee around me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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