but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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