Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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