oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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