oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
