her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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