and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
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He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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