I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
BRING THE BAGELS
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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