She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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