I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
