When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
