At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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