i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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