Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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