your thong is hanging out like whoa
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
