When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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