During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
