the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
