ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
