This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
