I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
