I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
