What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
