I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
