Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
