I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
