Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
