I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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