I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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