I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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