When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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