Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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