I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
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'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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