hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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