what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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