This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
