I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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