I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
