pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
