So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You made out with two different species that night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
