I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My vagina just recognized that song.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
