just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
