he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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