our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
