You're my little dorito
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
