We're facebook friends in real life
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
