well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
