Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
please come you make the beer taste better
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
