I haven't been this sober since birth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
