I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
