You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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