well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My vagina is officially offended.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
