Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
