my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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