K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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