we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
