Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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