I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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