Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
