I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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