the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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