You made me cry and you don't even care
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
