i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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