Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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