Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
